8 Things I’ve Learned From The Internet
I’ve had internet access since I was 12 years old. I am just about to turn 30 which means I’ve been using it for more than half of my life (scary!). Of course, the internet was a much tamer place when I was 12, and the creepiest thing that I ever encountered was a man from Southeast Asia requesting scans of my feet.
Since then, the amount of web pages have increased to an astronomical degree and with rampant social media outlets and associated pages, I have learned a whole lot more from the internet than I care to admit.
Here is a list of the most ridiculous things that the Internet has taught me, some of which I probably just could have asked my Mum about…
1. How To Poach An Egg.
Let’s not kid ourselves, once I learned that dozens of Youtube users had dedicated entire videos about how to poach eggs in a bunch of different ways, I realized I couldn’t just stop there.
Some people watch Masterchef or Huey for important directions on how to cook something great – not me, dude.
I learned (mostly) everything I know from Youtube or web pages.
I’m not going to lie, I actually asked Youtube how to pan-fry chicken once. And there were dozens of results.
As I type this, my Nutella cupcakes are in the oven thanks to Facebook and my Spinach and Feta specialty bread is baking in the bread maker thanks to taste.com.au.
2. How To Crochet.
My awesome neighbor helped me with the beginning of a granny blanket once back a few years ago. And when I was done, I went to my best friend Youtube, and learned not only how to start a new one, but also about 20 new patterns and how to actually read patterns and make lots of crochet toys and digital nerd blankets.
Guess what everyone who comes in to contact with me will be receiving for birthdays and Christmases?
I’ve even threatened to crochet my partner a three-piece-suit… including shoes.
3. How To Train Your Dog To Run On A Treadmill.
I’ve always wanted to run my dog on my treadmill, if for no other reason but because it would be hilarious to watch – and she’s kind of pudgy and needs the exercise.
I have to admit, that I’m far too lazy to make this a successful endeavor, but its nice to know how if I ever feel like I want to follow through and forcibly make her exercise since she refuses to go on walks and get out of bed until well after midday.
4. There is a place on the Internet for just about every fan group you could imagine, and even some you can’t.
This is right here is a digital double-edged sword.
A friend of mine was struggling with breast feeding a little while ago and I was Googling information to see if I could give her some advice, or at least understand her problems better – when I stumbled across a site dedicated to men who enjoy feeding from their lactating wives.
Look, I’m not judging, whatever gets your kicks, but… really? There was an entire forum dedicated to it- of which I had to share with my entire circle of friends.
Unfortunately, I forgot to close my browser window on my iPad after finding this and then proceeded to loan it to a jet-setting friend who I am sure to this day, assumes I have some odd breast-feeding fetish.
5. People aren’t as happy as they pretend to be.
Perhaps its because misery loves company, but let’s be totally honest with ourselves, there is something so brilliantly comforting to know that everyone else you’ve ever met in your life is just as imperfect as you are.
You’ll figure this out pretty quickly if you use Facebook or twitter. Its almost as though people from your past forget that they are sharing intimate details of their life with people they probably shouldn’t be sharing with.
Back when I was around 19, I had a girl from high school flaunt her ‘fiance’ to me and made several comments about how “aww its okay, you’ll meet the right guy soon!” (Um, I was too busy traveling the world to even think about that) as if she pitied me. We met a few times after that and each time she continually talked about how happy she was.
She did not marry her “right guy”, she was not happy and as a Facebook friend, I constantly saw how depressed and sad she was and (in her words) trapped by her kids. I am not saying that I was happy to see that, because it was the quite opposite, I felt bad that she was so unhappy – but I did realize that everyone is just as clueless about life as the next person, and no one, regardless of what kind of a happy face they like to put on things, has it all figured out or is better than someone else.
6. Cats are funnier than ever before.
Before the Internet, I was never a huge fan of our feline friends – now I just realize they are one of God’s misunderstood creatures. Creepy, jealous and calculating they may be, but really, they’re quite the funny little jerks.
If you’ve not been subjected to endless and hilarious cat memes, then you just aren’t using the internet properly.
7. Kardashian fan fiction is a real-life ‘thing’.
One Direction fan fiction I can believe and despite how unsavoury each of those fan fictions unravels themselves to be, I am not surprised.
But Kim, Kourtney and Khloe fan fiction?
And what’s worse than that? The cross-over fan fictions – yep, that’s right – the Kardashian’s become part of a Supernatural (TV Show) plot… Frightening.
The worst part? It spirals out of control just like those One Direction fan fictions / erotic fantasies.
How would I know? Well… my friend and I like to freak each other out with possibly the most disturbing stories on the Internet.
8. People are Internet hypocrites.
This of course isn’t exclusive to the Internet, but its something I’ve noticed. I’ve noticed a trend of those standing up for gay rights or anti-bullying tweets – Facebook comments on news tragedies of suicides due to the way someone has been treated both online or offline.
The next day, same tweeters/commenters fill statuses or tweet messages full of vitriolic and abusive rants about someone they know, a celebrity (celebrities aren’t robots, you know, they’re also people too), or more…
Don’t do that man, free speech is a nice thing, but tagging a celebrity or someone you know and dislike is actually bullying.
Written by Jessica Teni